


Look What They've Done to My Song, Ma

by Sleepyfaceandsnark



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bucky and his mom, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon Divergent, Comfort, Family Reunions, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Reacquainting, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:47:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25732339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepyfaceandsnark/pseuds/Sleepyfaceandsnark
Summary: Steve brings Bucky with him to return the stones. Before they go back to 2023, Steve gives Bucky the opportunity to see someone who thought they lost him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 21
Kudos: 137





	1. Chapter 1

> _"Look what they done to my song ma_
> 
> _Look what they done to my song_
> 
> _Well it's the only thing_
> 
> _That I could do half right_
> 
> _And it's turning out all wrong ma_
> 
> _Look what they've done to my song"_  
>    
> 

* * *

"You know if you want, I can come with you," Sam offers.

Steve smiles. "Thanks, Sam but I think I'll take Bucky with me for this one."

Bucky looks at him, brows lowered in confusion. "Me? I'm ..not sure I'll be much help, Steve. Sam here-"

"Better then going alone," Sam interrupts. He knew Steve was going to go to a place both Steve and Bucky were familiar with. He knows Steve not taking his offer and getting Bucky instead meant something more that neither Sam or Bucky were aware of yet. "Flying would be a little suspicious with some of the places you guys are going." He continues.

Steve nods and smiles in a way that says 'thanks for understanding' and they're both off, disappearing in front of Sam and Bruce's eyes. 

-  
-  
-  
-

Steve convinces Bucky on taking a pit stop after returning the stones. He claims they needed more "juice" for the devices that took them from place to place...or rather time to time. Bucky doesn't argue, mostly because he was honestly not aware how exactly the suits and devices work, didn't really get the run down before they took off, so he takes Steve's word for it.

It's 1950, which Steve notes nonchalantly to Bucky as he presses his suit to reveal his clothes underneath. Bucky does the same. Luckily the outfit he wore wasn't too much of a stretch with what people were currently wearing. The hair was another thing. It was too long for the decade they were in and America was definitely not quite ready for the "man bun" or as Bucky liked to call it....a bun.

Bucky ties his hair tighter as he avoids the gaze of strangers' weird stares while waiting for whatever it was Steve was doing that made him wait out here alone. He gives a small smile and nod to a lady who then shields her son away from him as they walk quickly away. Bucky rolls his eyes. He's about to decided to duck in the ally nearby when a car roars by him. He looks into it at the driver and tries to hide his amused face at Steve grinning ear to ear.

"Got you a hat!," Steve says as he flings it at Bucky while Bucky makes a grab for the door. He manages to catch the hat, a Fedora. He looks at Steve blankly.

"I'm not wearing this s-"

"Come on. You'll be less conspicuous!"

Bucky rolls his eyes and puts the hat on, tucking his hair inside and letting the brim cover his face. "Satisfied?"

Steve shrugs. "No Humphrey Bogart but it'll do"

Bucky is about to protest when Steve interrupts. "Now get in before they come back."

Bucky abides before asking what Steve meant by "they".

Steve peals out (or rather drives as fast out as a car from late 40's could). After a moment Bucky sighs.

"Steve?"

"Hm?"

"Did you steal this car?"

Steve laughs. "No."

Bucky sinks back in relief.

"I borrowed it."

"What!"

"I'll return it! When we're done..."

"When we're done?!" He looks at Steve's face trying to not laugh. Bucky shakes his head. "Where are we going anyways? To pick up those particles or molecules or whatever they're called?"

Steve's face stops grinning. "No I uh... already got those a few time lapses back."

"Okay..." Bucky says hesitantly. "So then where are we going? And can't we just use those to get there?"

"I only took enough for us to get back...if we...if..."

Bucky eyes him cautiously and doesn't let it be lost on himself that Steve didn't answer his other question. Matter of fact Bucky wasn't exactly sure where they were as far as place, he knew the time thanks to Steve announcing it earlier but as far as where in the world... This whole time really he wasn't aware of the places they were going, Steve had controlled that part of the suit's function since they didn't really have time for the full rundown for Bucky. He knew to press the button on his hand, that that meant go, and that's about it.

"If?"

Steve says silent. It makes Bucky uneasy, they were just joking around a few minutes ago.

"Just to get this clear," Bucky starts. "I don't want to live in 1950...wherever we are."

Steve looks at him quickly, then back on the road. "You don't know that."

"I do. I do know that actually."

"You want to live in the 2000's. Live in a time where they did all those things to you."

Bucky lets out a light exasperation. "All those things still have been done to me I'd just be living in a time that was no longer my own. If anything, this is even more foreign to me now."

"I'm just saying if you change your mind," Steve starts.

"Steve-"

"If you do, I'm just saying I'll stay here with you."

Bucky looks at him, suspicious. "Do...you want to?"

Steve looks down at the steering wheel for a moment. "No," he says sadly.

Bucky breathes in, "Okay then...can we head home then?"

He watches Steve's Adam's apple bob up and down and he's silent for a moment. "Not yet..." He finally says. "We have another 'home' to get to first."

Bucky still confused and not really liking the mystery in Steve's voice pushes it. "Home? What home, Steve. I don't even know where we are."

Again Steve is silent as he takes a left down a road and then a right at the next small intersection.

"Steve?"

"Indiana." Steve says.

"Indian-" it gets out before Bucky thinks and his heart is in his throat before he can finish the word. The place. Home. His home. Or rather his old home before his family up and moved to Brooklyn.

Now it's Bucky's turn to be silent. But it's 1950...why would they... And it's almost as if Steve could read his mind.

"After you..." Steve clears his throat, trying not to let his emotions get the best of him and trying to shake away the flashback his mind always gives him when he says the words or sometimes just sees the object. He breathes in again. "After you fell from the … after you, to all of us, died. Well I guess she didn't want to stay in the city anymore." Steve goes on. He makes another left. "She moved to the outskirts of the city but then time passed and it still wasn't what she wanted I guess so she moved back here, to be closer to the rest of her family."

And this is where their communication is lost. Because Bucky doesn't know who Steve is talking about, or his mind hasn't caught up yet. The small amount of time he got to look into people he knew after he was no longer The Winter Soldier all he could find was their death day and that everyone stayed in New York, except his family that were always in Indiana. He could never find more on them, this whole time he figured they just laid low.

"Steve...." Bucky trails off as Steve turns down a dirt road, this one filled with houses. "Who are we seeing...?" He asks quietly, almost childlike.

Steve cuts the engine in front of a house and looks to Bucky, who is looking at him with wide eyes that are both scared and unsure. Steve smiles warmly and nudges his head to the mailbox outside Bucky's window. Bucky turns around.

It reads: W Barnes.

"Wh...Steve?" And Bucky knows. He knows that 'W' stands for Winifred. He knows this is his mom's home.

Steve's eyes are watering slightly and Bucky can tell he's trying to hold it in for him.

"But how did you-" Bucky stops himself and looks at Steve, who shrugs.

"Good ole Captain America has a lot of clearance," He says lightly with a smile. Then he looks down "I knew for a while...found out when me and Sam went looking for you. But you were gone and..."

"And so were they," Bucky finishes as he looks back at the house. His mom died in the mid 1965, his dad a few months after her, and his sister died in 1998. 

After a few moments of Bucky silently looking at the house he sits back in the seat. "I can't do it." He says.

"You can,' Steve says back.

"She wont know me. She wont recognize me."

"You're her son. She'd recognize you if wore a mask permanently on your face and shrunk to an inch tall"

That makes Bucky let out a small laugh but he still turns to Steve and looks at him solemn. "She won't know this version of me."

Steve nods, understanding what Bucky meant, Sarah Rogers wouldn't exactly know the Steve she saw in front of her either if he was face to face with his mother. But he looks at Bucky confidently. "So let her."

"What if it hurts her?"

"This will help. It'll give her closure. At least she'll know you're alive, you're going to be okay. Doesn't have to think about if you're alive, about where you'd be."

Bucky nods.

"There was always some comfort that she never had to know what was done to me..." Bucky voices his thoughts he never thought he'd admit to having.

"You don't have to tell her," Steve says.

Bucky nods again. "Yeah." He says softly and looks down at his hands, his gloves disguising the fact that one of them was made of metal, a metal his mother would've never even heard of.

"I got to say goodbye to mine, but you never got to say goodbye to yours." Steve's voice interrupts Bucky's thoughts.

Bucky swallows hard and looks up at Steve. His eyes start to water at the memory of Sarah Roger's last days enter his mind briefly. It's gone as quickly as it came and he clears his throat awkwardly.

"Come with me?" Bucky asks, his voice small, childlike.

"I can't," Steve sighs and grabs Bucky's right hand from his lap. "Maybe in a little while? But I think for now you need some alone time with her."

"Yeah, okay," Bucky says softly.

Steve puts his right arm around Bucky's shoulder and pulls him close. Bucky ducks his head into Steve's chest and Steve holds him there for a minute. He kisses the top of Buckys head and pulls him away.

"Go on," Steve says. "She's waiting."

Bucky gives one last small smile and nods as his hands move to open the car door.

Steve watches him leave and walk up to the door as his heart begins to race for Bucky.

-  
-  
-

Time seemed to stop still for Bucky and what was supposed to be a one minute walk up the driveway felt like an hour long trek. He faces the wood slab in front of him and raises his hand to knock on it but then lowers it before his hand reaches it to make noise. He looks down and takes a deep breath in.

 _Okay okay okay._ He repeats to himself as he breathes out.

He raises his right hand again, clenches his fist, and knocks on the door lightly.

Nothing.

Was it too light?

Was she even home?

Bucky turns back around to the car, to Steve who he can see is watching him. He breathes in again.

He knocks, louder this time.

He's about to give up and walk back to the car when he hears a muffled yell and footsteps coming towards the door. 

Bucky's breath hitches, his heart in his throat. He his eyes move away from the window on the door to the ground. He can't face it if it isn't her. Hell he's not sure he can face it if it is. 

The door opens. He hears a familiar "Hello?" in a softness he thought he forgot.

But he can't look up.

He can't speak. 

"Can I help you?" her voice comes out again. 

Bucky tries to steady his breathing, yells at himself internally to say something. Say something you idiot before she runs back inside and calls the cops. Calls the cops on her dead son from the future. 

Bucky slowly raises his head, the rim of his hat covering most of his face in a shadow. He breathes in once more and looks up at the woman in front of him. 

"M-Mom?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mom?"

_"Look what they've done to my brain, ma._

_Look what they've done to my brain._

_Well they picked it like a chicken bone_

_and I think I'm half insane, ma._

_Look what they've done to my brain._

_And if the people are buying tears_

_I'll be rich someday, ma_

_Look what they've done to my song."_

* * *

_"M-Mom..."_

The woman in front of him lets out a small bitter laugh.

"I'm sorry I think you might have the wrong house I don't have a s..." She chokes on the last part, stops herself. "I think you have the wrong house."

Bucky lifts his head up higher so she could see his full face in the sun. "Ma. It's me. It's-"

Her eyes squint in confusion, trying to identify the man in front of her. Bucky can visibly see her sharp intake of breath.

"Jam-" She almost says and shakes her head. "..B-Bucky?"

Bucky nods slowly. "Yeah. It's me. It's Bucky."

"I don't..." Her eyes are soft, sad, confused.

He wants to apologize but he knows she'll ask what for and he doesn't have an answer besides: everything. 

Her eyes are furrowed in disbelief but Bucky notices her eyes dart quickly behind Bucky. She grabs his wrist, Bucky's throat closes up because it's the wrong wrist he wasn't ready. But then she's pulling him inside.

"Here come in." She says hurriedly pulling him through the door.

Bucky realizes if she thought he was a figment of her imagination or perhaps a ghost she wouldn't want the neighbors watching her standing out on her porch talking to air. Or maybe she just didn't want to go into the long winded explanation that that's her son who died 10 or so years ago by falling from a train who's body was never found, but he's actually from the future with a metal arm oh yeah and he hasn't aged a day. That paired with the fact that he's here for a once in a lifetime visit and not to stay would also be suspicious and hard to explain. 

"The neighbors...there'll be questions." Was what she said as she closed the door. 

Bucky nods. "Of course." A feeling of her trying to hide him away came to his mind but he shook it away fast. He's lucky he didn't kill her from a heart attack with this. 

He closes the door behind him, checking outside first to make sure no one did see him. All he spots is Steve sitting in the parked car trying to make it look like he wasn't keeping his eye on Bucky. 

When Bucky turns back around his mother is nowhere to be seen. Now it's Bucky's turn to feel scared and unsure. What if he was actually going mad? Did he just walk into someone else's home? Was this even his mother's house? 

But no he remembers the name on the mail box. He remembers Steve's research. Plus Steve definitely would've stopped him before he walked into a stranger's house. 

"M-" he's about to call out but then thinks maybe she doesn't like that anymore. Maybe that frightened her. This man wearing her son's face calling her "ma." 

Bucky closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to hold back the tears that are choking him. 

"I'm sorry I had to-." He didn't even notice her coming back into the room. "Honey?" 

And he can't. He can't hold it in anymore. He tries to fold in on himself, tries to hide his vulnerability from her but his legs disobey him and he's on the ground. He's sobbing, he's hunched over himself and he's sobbing. "I'm sorry," comes out of his mouth and he repeats his over and over. He can't stop. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

A hand is on his shoulder, rubbing it softly. He hears calming "shh's" in his ear and repeated affirmations that it's okay. "It's okay, honey. It's okay." He falls into her shoulder like when he was a boy and he fell and scraped his knees. She reaches for his hat on his head and he stops her. 

"No you wont...you wont like it."

She smiles as if he made a joke and she takes it off anyways. Her eyes widen in shock but amusement. "It's so...long." She says bluntly and Bucky gives a small laugh at that. 

The hat no longer a object for him to hide under, he lowers his face. 

"Let me look at you," his mother says. "Let me look at my son. " 

Bucky's eyes go solemn again. "No," He says. "You won't like it." 

His mother sighs sadly but moves her hand under his chin. She lifts his head up slowly and sucks in a breath. Bucky's eyes are closed. He can't bear to open them as his mother sees him for the first time, this version of him. 

"Can I...?" She asks, lifting her hands up towards his face. _Touch you?_

Bucky didn't even think of that, the idea of just seeing her being the main thing in his brain but to experience the soft comfort touch of his mother again. He thinks it might be too much to bear. But then he thinks of the woman in front of him, the woman who lost a piece of her, the woman who lost her son.

He swallows hard and nods. 

For a few moments he feels nothing but the air from a nearby vent tickling his cheek but then he feels soft finger tips touch his cheek down to his chin. The finger tips turn to full hands on his face; touching, feeling. The hands graze over every scar, over every faded bruise, over the dark circles permanently etched under his eyes. 

"Open your eyes," His mother says. It's a request, a beg. "I haven't... 10 years." She says. "Those first eyes that stared up at me as an infant... Let me see my son." Her thumb softly trace under Bucky's eyes and he opens them slowly. 

The eyes are the window to the soul. She used to always tell him. And god he was so afraid of her seeing what his soul was now. 

He finally looks at her. Her eyes melting into his, entering his heart like a warm hug. He looks at her eyes turn. Shes sad and shes angry but not at him at-

"What happened?" She asks. "What did they do to you?" Her hands are still on his cheeks, cupping them. 

Bucky shakes his head. He can't say. He doesn't want her to know. He can't let her know. He closes his eyes again and falls back into his mother's arms and she holds him there. The room is silent except for the clicking of the grandfather clock and the deep breathing of Bucky as he sobs into his mother's arms, trying to let everything out. Let all the pain out, all the memories, all the saddness of time lost out. Everything. 

After a while he moves away from her embrace. Bucky is not sure if it was hours or minutes but it simultaneously seemed like both. Her arms fall slowly off of him as he leans back. He knows not only are his eyes red but so is his face. His mom stares at him like he was a kid again as if he was crying after some bullies messed with him or something. He tries to suck air in through his nose but it's a mess. His mom smiles warmly. 

"You always were a messy crier," She says. 

Bucky laughs not helping the snot trying to escape his nose. 

"Here," his mom says reaching into the pocket of her house dress. She pulls out a handkerchief.

Bucky takes it with a bashful grin. "Thanks." 

His mom just nods, not able to take her eyes off of him. 

Bucky uses the cloth to wipe his eyes and his face deciding to blow his nose in the bathroom later as to not ruin the handkerchief. He awkwardly hands it off to her but she moves his hand back to him.

"Keep it." She says. "Something to remember me by." 

That catches Bucky slightly off guard and he's about to ask what she meant by that but she gets up from the floor and moves over to the window. Bucky watches her push back the curtains. "Who's that that drove you?" She asks. It distracts Bucky for the time being. 

"Huh?" He asks, getting up from his spot as well. Oh god he completely forgotten. "Steve!" He says, both as an answer to his question and in exclamation that oh shit he forgot all about Steve. If it had been hours he really just left him to sit in his car for that long. Well not his car but...

"Steve?" She asks, turning back to Bucky. "Steve Rogers?" And Bucky forgot. He forgot because when he got his memories back Steve was already known to be alive. He never experienced a time when Steve was dead. But his mother...he forgot it's almost like his mother lost 2 sons to the war. 

"Yeah," Bucky says softly.

"He got big, right?" His mom asks, staring out the window.

Bucky laughs. "Uh yeah he got big."

"I used to see him in those news reels sometimes. And you too, right by his side." She looks to the side, to Bucky, and smiles. "I'm so glad you still have each other. You were always so great together."

Bucky grins again as his eye twitches in curiosity.

"Tell him to come in," She says, pulling away from the widow and pushing the curtain back.

"I...are you sure?" Of course Bucky wanted his mother to see Steve but he was afraid of it being too much at once.

"Of course!" She grins. Then lets it fall. "We don't have much time anyways..."

Bucky's brow furrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

She smiles again, knowingly and grabs Bucky's left hand, the metal one. Bucky's eyes widen in panic and he starts to pull away. 'You're not from here are you?" She asks. "Not from this time?"

"I- how did you?"

"A mother always knows. "

Bucky smiles and looks down. "The time I'm in...where I'm from... Me and Steve." Bucky clears his throat. "We get to be together." He looks back up to his mother and he knows she knows. She always knew.

"That's wonderful," She says as tears start to form in her eyes again.

Bucky nods. "It's not perfect but its...better.

"That's good. I'm glad you have each other after all this time."

Bucky smiles warmly. He moves to open the front door and motions his hand to Steve for him to come inside. Steve is out of the car in seconds, jogging his way up the driveway. Bucky can tell he's nervous despite his eager actions. 

He makes his way inside and to Bucky's mom, hugging her tightly. Steve cries, his mom cries and Bucky stands there looking at them both as more tears fill his eyes as well. 

"Look at us, " Bucky's mom says as she pulls away from Steve and grabs his hand. "...bunch of cry babies." She jokes. She holds out her other hand for Bucky to grab as well and he does. She walks them over to the living room and sits in the middle seat of the couch. Bucky and Steve sitting by each side of her. 

And they sit and talk.

First a little about where they came from. What the future was like, what other changes did society go through. Bucky gets an update about his sisters and his father. His heart pains at not being able to see them for himself but knows it's probably better this way. He'd never be able to explain to them. He'd never be able to leave all of them at once. Even when he left for the war he said his goodbyes individually, separately and back then he thought he'd come home to them.

They skip the harder subjects. The 70 years of torture, the brainwashing, the forced assassin role, frozen ice, dusting, dying.

All they told her was:

"we were lost for a while and then found each other again." She nods. She knows it's not the whole truth, especially looking in her son's eyes, but she nods.

They go into childhood memories. A lot of firsts. A lot of lasts. The conversation lasts for hours but it seems like days when Bucky notices the sun almost disappearing across the horizon. 

Winfred catches her son staring at the window. She had moved to the seat in front of him an hour or so ago after giving them some food to eat.

She sighs softly, sadly. "It's time," She says and it's half statement, half question.

Bucky doesn't look back at her right away. He closes his eyes and swallows hard. 

"I wish I could stay." 

His mom breathes out harshly and she almost smiles remembering years of Bucky as a toddler begging his mom to stay at his cousin's house just a little longer. 

"But I don't belong here." Bucky says. Then he finally turns to her. "It wouldn't be right." 

Steve is right by him; he's holding Bucky's hand, his thumb rubs circles around his knuckles. It is a comfort for this part of time they knew they'd get to at some point today. 

"I"m gonna miss you so much," He says. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to make this harder then it is but he has to let her know. 

"Lets not think of it and enjoy what we had today." She says as she stands up and holds out her hands in front of her son for him to grab. 

And just like that his mom takes away all his pain again and he smiles, grabs her hands, and stands up. "Yes." 

She cups Buckys cheek one last time. "I love you, my son." 

"I love you too, ma." He says, grinning. 

She points to Steve and puts on a threatening tone. "And you Mr. Trouble. You better watch out for my boy." 

Steve dips his head. "Yes ma'am." She laughs, pushes his head up, and hugs him. 

-

-

-

"Get home safe, angels." She says as she closes the door front door.

Steve takes Bucky's hand in his and they walk to the car. They drive in silence, Steve returning the car back to the spot he found it for the original owner to get in the morning. 

They sit in the car for a few minutes and Bucky turns to Steve. 

"Thank you." He says softly. "You have no idea how much this helps everything I feel...I needed that. Needed her." 

Steve looks into Bucky's eyes and there's a lightness back. A lightness Steve hasn't seen since they were young. The darkness is still there, of course, nothing could totally take that away but lightness was shared with it now. 

"I'd do anything for you, Bucky. You know that?" 

Bucky nods."And I you." 

Steve gives Bucky a soft sweet kiss on the forehead. "Now lets go home." He whispers on his skin. 

They get out, start up their quantum suits,and make their way back to New York 2023. 

-

\- 

\- 

Days go by and Bucky thinks of his time with his mother fondly.

After a while it feels like a dream. A dream Bucky holds onto for the rest of his life. 

* * *

  
_"But maybe it'll all be alright ma_

_Maybe it'll all be okay..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this didn't come off as rushed. I tried my best to describe everything but also didn't want to wallow in the heaviness of it hahah. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed regardless!

**Author's Note:**

> As always Kudos and/or comments are always appreciated :)


End file.
